And once again I go to sleep, in my eternal home. Just because his wife left him, for his brother's abnormaly large c_. And I'll probably will never walk straight again. That night I suffered a concussion, Deep inside my goat brain. To prove his point, he drank a bottle of grain alchohol, and beat the f**king s_ out of my head. You could have let them barbeque me, but you acted like a friend. When we got home the Old Man said, "goat you broke the sacred law." ADAM: No! Please! Sorry! s_! "I'll let it go this time, but if you leave again, I'll break your f**king jaw." Super! Great! Okay! Thank you Old Man for saving my life. OLD MAN: f**k you pot smoking turkeys! Don't you press your luck! ADAM: The long-hairs ran away screaming as I scrambled onto the truck-a. The Old Man swinging his hickory stick, but he wasn't swinging at me.
But then I saw a sight, that I'd never thought I'd see. They chased me into an alley and said I was dead f**king goat meat-a. ROCK AND ROLLERS: Kill the goat! Kill the goat! Kill the goat! Kill the goat! ADAM: They chased me under the bleachers. And all the rock and rollers started a f**king goat riot. They pa*sed me around and treated me nice til I nervously sprayed them with s_-a. f**k me in the goat a*s! Then some long-haired guys grabbed me by the horns and threw me in the mosh pit-a. The lead singer asked if we were having fun, I said, "f**king crank that rock and roll-a!" The women at the show were beautiful, as they danced s_ily on the soft gra*s. It was the first time I'd been off the truck, the music made me lose control. Three neighborhood kids took me to a rock and roll concert. But you know there was a night that I did get off the truck, when the Old Man was pa*sed out drunk. But I guess sometimes my stories go on too long, so they leave and giggle, I need a bidet. At first they're excited to see a talking goat, they gather 'round to hear what I have to say. Sometimes the neighborhood children stop by, but it's always rocks and beer bottles that they throw. Present-day I've been on the truck for 51 years. I screamed, "send me back to the hills of Europe!" He just shook his head and said, OLD MAN: Nope! ADAM: No one will ever leave me again, to make sure, put on the 3 ft. To suit himself he drank a pint of Old Grandad, and beat me like a side of beef. It said : I'm leaving you for your brother because he f**ks me better.
He trimmed my beard, he scraped my hooves, I prayed it would never end.īut when we got to his house, there was no wife. Well, I just couldn't believe it, after all these years, I finally had a friend. "A talking goat," he exclaimed, "She's never seen this in her life!" I felt so special. On the boat the Old Man told me, I would be a present for his wife. You seem like a nice guy." So we went off to America, the home of apple pie. Then he stopped in his tracks and he said, OLD MAN: Hey goat! ADAM: Would you like to live with me? I got a house with a pick-up truck in a place across D.C.-a. He was lost in the woods, I gave him directions, He gave me a tuna can. Why when I was a young talking goat, the Old Man was just like my dad. That's when the beatings get so severe, I sleep, I pray he falls. He's filled with anger and filled with rage, and tells me I smell like p_-a. OLD MAN: Hey goat! I'm gonna beat your head in with the hickory stick! ADAM: Sometimes he uses his fists-a.
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